Finding My Nourishment, Love, and Growth!

I have found it has been a while since I have connected with you all. I could load you up with lots of excuses and reasons and tales as to why.

Here it is. LIFE.

WHOA! Life took me and held onto me for the last several months. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I am not sure yet. I am working on that.

In these past few months I have had many transitions; a new job, challenges of having two kiddos, a dear sweet friend passing, my family having health struggles to a personal injury and self-discoveries. This led me to share some of my thoughts with you. See if I can shoot out some nourishment, love, and growth out to all of you!

Here are some of my little “discoveries” from the last six months that have really smacked me in the face.

1. Find joy in family and friends!
Slow down and be with them. I mean really be with them. Listen to their stories, and ask for more! Pay attention to them, compliment them and really love them. They are part of your foundation. They are part of who you are as a person, and really you would not be who you are without them. I had an honor to share a friendship with a man who opened me up to love and light. He guided me through my own journey of self-discovery, helped me come to terms with a lot of things that happened in my life, and how to heal and grow from those experiences. I have not found answers per say but helped me on my journey. He became a dear sweet friend to me, and recently passed away from cancer.
What a journey to know him, honor him, and grieve him. I would like to say I was prepared for his passing as we had several months together as he worked through treatments, but it is never easy to lose a friend. It makes a mark on your heart and it is there forever. He passed away at home with his wife and family, and I was privileged to have gotten time with him a week or so before he died. I got to thank him for being him, for guiding and loving me. I got that time, I am forever thankful for him.

2. Find Time for you!
Man, this is one that smacked me right in the face, or I should say in the back! I spent literally the last 6 months...ok I'll be more real with that, the last 10 years of my life taking care of others and not really seeing what my soul needed.  It needed me! This became real for me, as I experienced my first real chronic injury to my lower back and Psoas this summer. Both seemed to tell me that I needed to pay attention both emotionally and physically to what was happening within my body. Now, I am lucky, I have a husband who is a body worker and cranio sacral specialist, so he gave me some of that loving, and a true smack down conversation… “You can’t mess around anymore. This is now a problem and you officially have a "bad back". 

WHAT! Shut the front door! I do not! At least that is what I tried to say...then it happened again...and again.
Yup, three times I was laid out. My psoas would lock up, pulling my right hip up and my sacrum and lower back would tighten and not let go for anything.  Bummer. It was time. I had to make a shift or I was going to have to deal with this a lot more in the future. The hardest part for me was that I am a yoga teacher, I should have a strong core and I should be aware of this…right? I had to realize that physical movement was important but the psoas also holds lots of emotion, it was a sure sign of not having awareness to my own needs. It was giving me a sign that it was time to deal with my shit. (sorry)

This is when I sat back and told myself to cut myself some slack, I have had two children and as I mentioned earlier have really not paid attention to myself in the last 10 years. So, I must get my strength and courage up and make some changes.
I am not a workout girl. Self-motivation in this realm of my life actually doesn’t exist and I actually find it super intimidating to join a group. It is my time to take the leap and start strength training. My mother has been going to a group every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to a “Kick Bootie” class for the last 6 or 7 years and she is so inspirational, she is strong and loves the connection with the women who go.
Lets do it! I am gonna start “Kick Bootie”.
Well, that is what happened for sure! I got my butt kicked; my quads kicked, my core kicked, but yeah know…my ego was strong. I kicked ass. Barb, the instructor offered compassion, motivation, and kind instruction for an hour and I was so honored to have been in that space with women of all ages working together to nourish and love themselves and everything their individual souls have to offer this world. What a gift!

Along with “Kick Bootie” I had to kick some emotional butt too, I had to really take a step inward and see what was going on. This was hard, and even though I teach yoga, I am terrible at mediation and it takes some wherewithal to do it.

I committed. 4 times a week, I devote time to myself, and meditate for 10 mins. I hope for me, that I extend this into a daily practice, but if I know anything about myself, I have to make it attainable for me. It’s been something that is actually a game changer. I am clearer, more positive, and finding more joy.

3. Nourishment. Mind and Body!
One of the main focuses I have had in the last two years is holistic nutrition but only really in the last year have I started to pay attention to this for me. I can feed my family an entire meal, pack their lunches and leave my house without even feeding myself…note the lack of taking care of me! Yikes!
So I have worked to develop my own nourishment needs. I make sure I have decaf coffee now, allowing myself to have one cup in the morning with organic grass fed butter, collagen, coconut oil and raw honey. Breakfast consists of nourishing homemade chicken soup, adding in some fermented foods, shopping for local veggies and fruits, eating grass fed local meats, etc. You get my point, the idea is for me to be aware that the food needs to nourish and heal me. So I eliminated sugars, gluten, most dairy, and grains. Healing the gut and nourishing my soul! So great right!
It’s hard! It’s so very hard!
This is sometimes the hardest part of my journey. I want to go out and drink and eat and not worry about it. Live life right! So very true, and I believe there are times where I can go do those things and really have a blast. But, for me, I realized that I was not feeling so great after or even during these times I was eating the foods that were not such a smart choice. Alcohol was not working out. I was waking up the morning after feeling horrible. Not hung over, but my mood sucked! I was crabby, short fused and not really happy. I felt down and not motivated.  Now, I’m not gonna lie, I have alcohol, but I have started to be very choosy about when and what I partake in.
It is hard, but so are many other things, and I get to cherish my family, and watch how they are growing and loving being a part of the nourishing process. I get to see my kiddos every day taking part in making dinner, choosing healthy food, wanting to go to the orchards to pick fruits like raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries. Is it hard for them…you bet! There are times when they really want that sweet treat of candy or even simply what their friends get to have at school. But in the long run, they move on quickly and they get over it. I can only hope that they will take a smidge of what I am teaching them and keep applying it to their lives.
Look, these are just some discoveries I found within myself over these last couple of months, and even the last few years. They have been intense and I believe you got to fall hard before some of that clarity pulls through. I am not even remotely close to finding any answers to my personal life journey. But, I can tell you that I have more joy, more compassion, and more determination to grow into the soulful person I would like to be. I am just glad that I can share those discoveries with you!
Nourish. Love. Grow.